Alucard's Acquaintance
by Kreuz Swords
Summary: Intruder comes, Integral goes postal and Alucard explains to his master and the "guest" stays. Ch.6 Hellsing's room of doom XD
1. Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Title: Alucard's Acquaintance

Chap. 1: Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Author: Kreuz Swords

Disclaimer: I don't own Hellsing and made no money writing this. The crazy plot is mine tho. As for the character Lewis…(evil grin) Riddle me, riddle me ree, guess this alias vamp for me…

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On a cold moonless night, a stranger with long black hair that passed his shoulder blades and dressed in the same color, silently walked up to the tall gates of the Hellsing estate. He gazed over the large courtyard and the guard post as the gates' lights glinted off his dark sunglasses. The stranger stayed in the shadows from the lights to avoid detection. The wind rustled through the trees and tossed up fallen leaves into the courtyard. The wind pulled at the ends of his long coat.

"The placed looks almost the same when I was last here so long ago. I wonder if he is still here," mused the stranger to him self.

The stranger put his slender hands into his pockets and noiselessly strolled away from the lights along the fence. When he thought he was far enough into the darkness. He leaped gracefully over the high pointed fence and made no sound when he landed. The intruder calmly strolled across the grounds. He kept clear of the sentries that were on patrol.

XXXX

In Sir Hellsing office room on the top floor, Integral was going over Walter's reports late into the night with Loreena McKennitt music playing softly in the stereo. She picked up her cigar and smoked it casually. White smoke curled upwards and vanished. Sir Hellsing flipped through another pile of papers in her hand over her big oak desk. Then she felt a slight change in the air around her, but kept on reading a report.

Alucard slowly seeped out of the darkest upper corner in the room. A feral grin was affixed upon his mouth. Red-orange tinted sunglasses shaded his fiery-red eyes. His body stopped midway through the wall and drifted downwards. The vampire stepped through the wall onto floor soundlessly. He leisurely ambled over to the side of his human master's desk. Alucard's grin widens showing off his fangs a bit.

"Are you looking for love in the moonlight (1)? Do you know you look like a highwayman in that red attire of yours," spoke out Integral while not looking up from her paper.

"Good evening Miss Hellsing. No, I am sorry to say that there is no moon out tonight," replied Alucard and chuckled. He glided over to a large painting of Integral's father and looked back at his busy master. The vampire thought of something ridiculous and laughed.

"Alucard! If you must be bored out of your mind, please do it somewhere else. Sir Hellsing fluttered through some other papers and wrote a few things down. She noticed that he moved a little closer to her and had on his annoying wolfish grin. "Why don't you go help Walter or prevent Captain Pip from teasing Seras." Integral sighed and rubbed her eyes.

Alucard leaned closer. "Is that an order, my ma-ster…"

"YES!!" Sir Hellsing tossed a heavy book at her vampire agent.

The vampire calmly dodged the flying book with ease as it slammed into the wall behind him. "Oh my, what unladylike behavior, tisk, tisk…"

"OUT NOWW!!" Sir Hellsing pulled out her gun and aimed it at Alucard.

"Master, you do not have to get all over dramatic," said Alucard as his eyes danced with laughter behind his sunglasses. He slowly walked away from Integral towards the door. Sir Hellsing followed him with her gun. The vampire disappeared through the shadowy, wooden door. "Humans can be so amusing at times. I think, I will meet with someone then," echoed Alucard.

Sir Hellsing holstered her gun away. "One of these days, he will push me too far, and I will personally stake him through the heart with pleasure."

_"Well master, I did not know that you cared for me this much with such passion,"_ whispered Alucard into Integral's mind and chuckled with glee.

Sir Hellsing fumed at her subordinate's disrespect toward his master as she forced herself back to the paperwork on her desk. Large puffs of smoke came from her cigar in her mouth.

XXXX

The intruder in black strolled over to the side of the main building to the servant's entry door that was half hidden by a statue. He placed in an old key and found it still worked with the lock. The stranger quietly opened the door and walked in. He shut the door behind him locked.

Silently, he moved through the servant's section. The intruder stepped to the side into shadows as he came up to an open doorway that had some light spiling out onto the hallway. He saw an elderly man busily typing on his computer in the room as he stealthily passed the doorway. The stranger went on up the servant's corridors and stairways to the main mid hallway. He stopped when he saw a tall figure in red.

Alucard stood in the middle of the hallway with his back to the intruder. "Once again, I meet you on moonless night, Lewis. So, you are brave enough to enter this place now." Alucard turned around and aimed his Jackal gun at Lewis and smiled. "Shall we dance."

"I am sorry for my sudden appearance. I stole a key when we met last time," said Lewis as he took off his black sunglasses and placed them on a side table with a potted plant. He returned his gaze back onto Alucard with beautiful, bright emerald eyes. Lewis grinned, revealing long sharp canines of those belonging to vampires.

"I forgive you," said Alucard, and he pulled the trigger. A very loud bang echoed through the building followed by a shattering sound.

XXXX

The gunfire reached Sir Hellsing's office. Integral jumped up with her gun out. "What the bloody…Wait that imp said he will meet someone. WHY could he not just say we had an intruder in building! I will shoot him for this!" Sir Hellsing stormed out her office to the direction where the gunshot sound came from.

XXXX

Shattered pieces of pottery, plant, and dirt were all over the side table, floor, and Lewis. Alucard lowered his Jackal to his side.

"I see you still play test of mind and will games," said Lewis as he dusted of debris off his clothing and hair.

"I still cannot get you to flinch, not even a little bit."

"I trust you completely that is why."

"Such trust is a weakness, and it will lead to your downfall," and Alucard frowned for a moment.

"I have this kind of trust only for you, mon ami (my friend)."

"What a sweettalker you are. Will you always be soo emotional."

"Come, let me greet you warmly." Lewis came up to Alucard swiftly and took hold of the other vampire's shoulders. He kissed Alucard on each cheek and hugged him tightly as Alucard stood rock still. Lewis heard the clicking sound of a gun being ready to shoot and looked up from Alucard's shoulder. He saw a blonde haired woman with her handgun aimed for between his eyes.

"Alucard, what are you doing? And, why is he hugging you?" asked Sir Hellsing calmly.

"Who is _SHE_…?" questioned Lewis as he narrowed his eyes at Integral and hugged Alucard more possessively.

"Now, master is that the proper way to treat our guest," said Alucard, and he turned around to face Integral with a slight smile when Lewis let him go to stand behind his friend.

"Who is that vampire behind you?"

"Ma'am, What happened? I heard a…" said Seras as she came running into the hallway with a large handgun, and she stopped when she saw the strange vampire in black with a long coat, leaning on her master's back.

"Oh him, he is more harmless than the police girl," replied Alucard calmly. "I place him under the very friendly class category.

"Hey Al, are you making fun of me? You know I really hate that," said Lewis.

"Let me restate the question. Who is that vampire?" asked Sir Hellsing coldly.

"My boyfriend." Said Alucard in a serious tone, and Lewis snuggled into Alucard's back.

Integral lowered her gun in total disbelief as to what her ears just heard.

"Ma…Master…I …I didn't know you swing that WAY!" stuttered Seras with wide eyes and open mouth in a state of dumbfounded shock.

"Oh my God, Queen, and Country…" uttered Sir Hellsing.

"Amen," said Seras automatically.

TBC…

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Author's notes:

1. Related to song line from Highwayman by Loreena McKennitt.

Alucard fans: Al?! o.O

KS: What, what?… I needed Alucard to have a nickname. Calling him Dalv (Vlad back wards) didn't sound right. Dalv I order you. Dalv, here Dalv, come here boy. Al felt better.

Alucard: … T.T;

KS: Anyway, may you go with God's and the queen's blessing. Amen.

Anderson: Note that the writer is a pagan.

KS: Hey! X(


	2. No Life King Strikes Again

Title: Alucard's Acquaintance

Chap. 2: No Life King Strikes Again

Author: Kreuz Swords

Disclaimer: I don't own Hellsing and made no money writing this. I'm just a crazy fan who made up a plot with the Hellsing characters, tee hee XD Davi and Tatsel are alias vamps too.

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Alucard stood in the hallway before his shocked human master and fledgling. Another vampire in black attire was leaning against his back. He had just pronounced that the visiting strange vampire was his boyfriend. A long silenced followed. Then, Alucard smiled and began to snicker, giggle, chuckle, laugh, deeply cackle, and guffaw. Finally, he doubled over onto the floor with hysterical laughter as the others looked on still stunned. Alucard started beating floor with his fists in his fit of laughter.

"I knew it! It was too good to be true!!" declared Lewis and pouted when he crossed his arms. "You are just as heartless in some ways as my blonde brat of a master."

Seras gave out a sigh of relief to the fact it was just another one of her master's perverted tricks. Then she wondered who the other vampire really is that her master would let someone even get close to him openly.

Integral clinched her hands over her gun and smoldered with livid anger. She ground her teeth as she narrowed her eyes at Alucard still laughing on the floor.

"Sir Hellsing is everything under control?" said Walter as he came into the hallway panting. "I heard Lord Alucard's Jackal fire off, and I …" Walter stopped behind Seras and stared at the scene before him of Alucard laughing on the floor, an unknown man, and Sir Hellsing ready to burst with anger. He wisely kept silent.

Alucard tried to speak, "HA HA…It…It wa…HAHA was soo priceless HAHA… to see yo… your b HAHA break in the composure…HAHA as the Iron Maiden HAHAHA... my ma…master…Now I seen everything HAHA…I am ready to die HAHA… of laughter…HAHAHA… And HAHA And y…you really b…believed me as being g…gay…ma…master HAHAHA… "

"ALUCARD!!! You are soo DEAD!" Sir Hellsing began to shoot at her vampire. She was displeased even more as Alucard rolled dodged the silver bullets while laughing. "Alucard hold still! I ORDER you to take your punishment for such insolence you bloody hyena freak of nature!!" Integral stopped shooting only to change her clip to shoot some more. She started chasing after her vampire when he got up while the others plastered them selves against the wall for safety.

A stray silver bullet blasted onto the wall right next to Lewis. The vampire gave out a yelp and jumped onto Seras, who caught him in her arms quickly. He wrapped his arms around Seras' shoulders to make it easier to for her to hold him. "Who is that gun happy lady?" spoke out Lewis over the gunfire and laughter.

"The lady is Sir Integral Wingates Hellsing," answered Walter. "And, you sir are?"

"I am sorry we were not properly introduced, cheire. My name is Lewis, and you are?"

"Victoria, Seras Victoria."

"It is a pleasure to meet you, mademoiselle Victoria." Said Lewis and smiled. He turned his head back to Walter, "And, you monsieur?"

"Walter," and he shook Lewis' out stretched hand. "May I be so bold as to ask if you are a vampire or a freak?"

"A vampire. What is a Freak? …"

"OH BLOODY HELL!! I ran out of clips!" and Integral tossed her gun at Alucard.

"It looks like I have to get the hallway restored," said Walter and sighed as he surveyed the damage. "I better tell the guards that the emergency is under controlled." The Hellsing retainer took his leave and left Sir Hellsing to take care of Alucard's latest prank.

Integral stomped up to Seras. "I order everyone here to go to my office in a few minutes! She noticed Lewis' big fear filled emerald eyes. "Yes you too, who ever you are!" Sir Hellsing stormed down the hallway. "Laughing boy! You have a lot of explaining to do!"

"HAHA…Yes, my master…HAHAHA," said Alucard as Integral went up the stairway with every step being heard. He continued to laugh until he calmed down a bit.

"She is sometimes nice to me," and Seras nervously smiled at Lewis.

"Umm, you can put me down now. Or, do you really like holding me," said Lewis sheepishly.

"Hehe, eh sorry," and Seras placed him down as she blushed.

"Police girl, I will go up and face the Valley of Death first, hehehe" said Alucard. "Lewis, how did you like my new master's dramatic appearance?"

"I say she is much better than your first master that kept on splashing holy water on me and showing me the cross," responded Lewis. "And, she is very skillful with a gun. I hope I do not have to avoid a shower of silver bullets every time she sees me."

"I think she will not behave that way when my master was shooting at me and not at you." A huge laughing grin spread across Alucard's mouth. He changed into a puddle of eyes and seeped into the shadows on the floor.

"Ewww! Master, how many times have I told you not to do gross freaky stuff around me!" complained Seras.

"So, you are his fledgling. I am a little surprised because I see him more as a loner. Well, he would not run off with me many years ago. Anyway, he still acted like he did not need to make another like us," said Lewis.

"I had chosen to go with him when I let him shoot me to kill the target he was after," said Seras a little sadly. "Come on, we better go up and face Sir Hellsing." Seras lead the way through the hall and up the staircase.

"Do not worry so much cheire. I think Alucard had also picked you. I sense a strong spirit in you," comforted the vampire guest. "You need a strong spirit to become one of us."

"What about my humanity?" said Seras as she stopped half way up the stairs.

Lewis looked away as if he was remembering something. "If you do not have a good sound spirit then you will go mad and seek death to yourself. Those are the type of vampires that your master hunts."

"Madness…" Seras stood on the steps thinking until Lewis was about to pass by her. She put her dark thoughts behind her and moved on ahead to the upper hallway. Seras knocked and opened Sir Hellsing's big office door tentatively. "Ma'am?"

"You and the other vampire my sit down in front of me," spoke Integral as she puffed strongly on her cigar. Big clouds of smoke were blown into the air that seemed to visibly linger in the room. She watched as the two came in and took their seats with a stony gaze. Sir Hellsing switched her gaze over to Alucard as he moved to Seras's side. "Well Alucard, I will let you begin as to how you happen to meet this vampire?"

"I met the acquaintance of Lewis around 1900 by accident.(1) Your great-great grandfather Hellsing ordered me to get rid of a tiny coven of vampires. When I tracked them down on a moonless night, they were attacking Lewis in a back alleyway. I deposed of the vampires that I was ordered to wipe out. When I was finished, Lewis came running up to me and hugged me and had this silly notion into his head that I was his savior. I pushed him off and left him since he was not part of the coven. He followed me like a lost and lovesick puppy," and Alucard sighed. "I tried threats and shot at him. I gave up and took pity on this pathetic excuse as a vampire, and let him talk to me when my first human master was not around."

"I was in my very lonely and painful time period then and I wanted Alucard to come back with me to America, but I did not understand why a human would want to use him for. I sadly left when Alucard was sealed away," added Lewis.

"Give me a good reason why I should not order Alucard to destroy you now," said Integral coldly with an icy stare.

"Madame Hellsing I will a sure you that I will not cause any demonic trouble. I have even attacked and killed my own kind. But, I do uphold my own humanity very dear to me. I only take blood when I really need it, which is mostly animal blood and mercy blood taking from humans who want to die," implored Lewis to Sir Hellsing.

"Have you come here to try and take away Alucard again?" questioned Integral as she flicked off the cigar's ash into a try.

"Oh non Madame Hellsing, I wanted see if I could stay with him for a while. You see…" Lewis started to get teary eyed and continued, "You see, my master has been ignoring me and not speaking to me either." Lewis burst into tears and wailed, "Everybody really likes my master Tatsel. Then that watcher came and took my dear master away from me. Tatsel started sleeping around with Davi and left mee!" The crying vampire took out a green silken handkerchief and cried deeply into it as Integral rolled her eyes in disgust at the very un-vampire like behavior. Lewis suddenly jumped up from his chair with fisted hands up and said angrily, "THEN my blonde brat of a master stole my girl that I fell in love with!! I will show him that he can walk the Devil's Road all by himself!" I do not need that Censor, censor!!" Lewis ranted on in his Cajun cursing.

"Master is that vampire friend of yours cursing in Cajun?"

"Yes, how very perspective of you Seras to know of a sub language," said Alucard to his young change with pride.

"SILENCE!! SIT!" yelled out Integral.

"Ye…Yes my master," said Lewis with starry emerald eyes as he quickly sat back down.

"You have convinced me with your antics and you may stay here only under one condition," said Sir Hellsing as she wondered why Lewis had on an enthralled expression. "The Hellsing Organization will never support a freeloader, so you will be assign just like all the agents here. You said you had fought with your own kind before. What skills do you have?"

"I can use scythe as a weapon."

"Do you know how to use a gun?"

"Umm, I used a musket once," said Lewis nervously.

Integral sighed and said, "Agent Seras, tell Walter to assign our vampire guest a weapon. I trust Walter's good eye judgment in finding something that will suit Lewis' meager defensive skills."

"Yes Ma'am!" said Seras as she stood up.

"Now, where are we going to hold you here?" inquired Sir Hellsing and she smoked her cigar. "Alucard, can I put him in with you?"

"No you cannot. I may know and tolerate him, but there is in no way he is my companion that I will share a room with," stated Alucard and he sneered at the thought of Lewis in his dark room and shivered.

"Very well then, Seras, Lewis will bunk in your room on the other side. Also, tell Walter to bring out the guest bed and have him tell Dr. Travelin that we have another mouth to feed. If you have any problems, please report them. Lewis, Seras, you are dismissed."

"Master…," uttered Lewis with dreamy emerald eyes.

"I said Leave! And, do not call me master. I am Sir Hellsing to you!!" said an aggravated Integral as Seras quickly moved and Lewis scrambled up out the door.

Alucard listen as the two make their fast exit down the hallway and stairs. He grinned again and chuckled at their childish behavior.

"Alucard, I have changed my mind on staking you through the heart. I will instead chain you to a silver cross and douse you in holy wine and set you ablaze."

"Do you want me to bring the marshmallows on that day, master?" and her vampire grinned wolfishly.

"Dwgrrrrr…!" growled Integral and tossed a unicorn paperweight at the cheeky vampire, which he calmly averted it.

"Goodnight Miss Hellsing," said Alucard as he turned around to leave.

"One more thing, Alucard," and her vampire spun back to face her again. "If you ever think about cheating on me, I will shave you bald and seal you up somewhere that nobody will find you for a very very long time."

"Eh?" and Alucard slowly grinned slyly. "Does this mean I will be getting Saint Valentine's cards from you for now on, my master. It might make Seras very jealous. By the way, I do love the smell of chocolate."

Sir Hellsing pressed her lips together over her cigar and scowled. A thought came to her and she raised an eyebrow. "I will make sure to send a you a crate load of chocolate covered garlic," retorted Integral.

"You know that home remedy does not work to repel us." Alucard body faded into the shadows leaving his toothy grin and the grin faded as well.

Integral took off her glasses to rub her eyes with one hand and sighed. "I need another vampire like I need a hole in my head. I better get to bed before something else strange happens such as warthogs sprouting wings." Sir Hellsing crushed out her cigar in the tray and straightens her papers that she had messed up a bit when she heard the gun fire. Integral left her office and went her private room down the hall.

XXXX

Seras and Lewis were walking through the servants' section and found Walter in his workroom filling out an order form to have the middle hallway restored. He also had Sir Hellsing's gun on his desk with a new clip in it.

"I see that Sir Hellsing did not behead you in her office and we still have our vampire guest. What are her wishes Lady Seras?" said Walter as looked up from the forms at his desk.

"Sir Hellsing ordered you to find a weapon for Lewis, tell Dr. Travelin about feeding him as well, and Lewis will be bunking with me on a guest bed," relayed Seras.

"Welcome to the Hellsing Organization, Lewis. May you serve us well in the coming future," greeted Walter as he stood up and patted Lewis' shoulder.

"I do not know many fighting skills of this age," informed Lewis. "I think I will displease Sir Hellsing with lack in knowledge of weapons. I am use to physical strength when I defend myself."

"Do not worry, I will think of something and train you a bit," comforted Walter. "Now, let's show you where you will be staying, shall we" The Hellsing retainer pocketed Integral's gun and showed the way to the dark sub chambers and dungeon. "We do have a few rules for you to follow. Do not leave without permission, or bring someone in from the outside. Tell no one that we exist. There will be no snacking on the help or other agents. You will be fed with medical blood daily. Always follow Sir Hellsing's orders. If you have any questions, please tell me and I will guide you on the right path." Walter stopped at a locked door a few doors down from Seras' room. "The bathroom you will use is in the servants' section. Do not use the one's in the barracks. The soldiers dislike the idea of a tame vampire lurking around in their bathrooms," said Walter as he unlocked the room and walked in side.

Inside the room were furniture, extra art pieces, covered objects, and a folded bed on little wheels. Walter moved some objects aside and wheeled the bed out with some bedding on it and locked the door back up. The movable bed squeaked and clattered on the stone floor. Seras moved up ahead and opened to door for Walter.

"Thank you Lady Seras. Here is where you will be staying Lewis during the daytime." Walter pushed the folded bed to the left side of the room. With Lewis' help, the Hellsing retainer set the bed up. "I will you see tomorrow evening then and goodnight," said Walter and he left the two in the room.

Lewis yawned. "I feel it must be close to sunrise now." He began to unbutton his long coat.

"My master said that we don't really sleep," said Seras.

"It depends on the vampire and who was their creator. For me, I just drop off when the sun rises and come to when it sets." Lewis removed his coat and worked off his jacket. He set them on the chair at the table. He took his vest off his black shirt soon followed on to the chair. Lewis wavered over to his bed and sat down as Seras watched her new roommate's behavior. He pulled his knee high boots off and curled up fully into the thick covers with nothing visible of him was left out. "See you tomorrow mademoiselle Victoria," muffled Lewis.

"Call me Seras please," insisted the fledgling vampire.

Bonne nuit (Good night), Seras," and Lewis slipped into unconscious.

"Sweet dreams Lewis. I think it will be nice to have someone else to talk to," mused Seras.

TBC…Review please and I will write the next chapter - all are welcome. Does anyone know of Pip's personality? How does he pick on Seras? How does he interact with others? Tell me by e-mail if you do

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Author's notes:

1. I am guessing that was around the time when Dr. Abraham Van Helsing had Alucard. He had to be great-great grandfather because my great grandma was little girl at this time period.

Alucard and KS:

(falling over with laughter)

KS: We sure pulled a good one on Integral, didn't we!

Alucard: I wish someone had taken of picture of her. (Snickers)

KS: Anyway, I am going to write chap.3 if someone tells me about Pip. Go with God's and the queen's mercy. Amen.

Integral: Are you making fun of our mission statement? X(

KS: Why yes, but I thought your mission motto was "Search and Destroy!"

Integral: …(thinks about shooting KS)

KS: Oh yes, Lewis is French-American :D; (hint another clue)

To readers who stressed out on the Al's gay part: I think he is oh so cuter as being strait XD

**BlazeStryker:** It is a crossover. Wow, I made history O.O I thought people might have written them already with this mix. I had to keep you know who from going postal on my fic. So, close aliases will be used.


	3. Pip, The Vampire slash Freak Slayer

Title: Alucard's Acquaintance

Chap. 3: Pip, The Vampire/Freak Slayer

Author: Kreuz Swords

Disclaimer: I'm a baaad author from watching the anime and people telling me about the manga The plot now includes Pip and I don't own the song, Shine D Warning, there are some slang used that might be offensive to some people. Ignore this slang. Don't sue me. I have no money and all you get is some hugs and kisses.

Alucard: Oo

KS: I am referring to my chocolate stash, dingbat ee

**This fic is dedicated to two friends of mine for their love of Hellsing. Cheers!**

**----**

A worn out Seras dragged herself down the steps going to the dark, catacomb-like sub chambers. "I am so glad that it is end of the day. Commander Farguson sure knows how to plan out tough training for us. I feel like I ran off my legs today," complained Seras. "Oh man, I need a good shower to get rid of all the dust and grit I had rolled around in. I wish I could kill that stupid Pip for shooting me with paint balls. The dye better come off my clothes in the wash, or I will paint everything that Pip owns all red." Seras staggered into her room and saw that her new flatmate, Lewis was still wrapped up in his covers. "I guess being a full vampire does have a few advantages," and she sighed.

She put away her weapons and training gear. Seras began to take out a clean set of clothing to change into after her shower. She heard the rustle of sheets behind her. Seras turned around with clothes in her arms and watched a yawning Lewis with rumpled clothing get up. She thought it was amusing the way Louis groggily stood up and scratched the side of his head.

"Bonjour (Good morning) Seras!" said Lewis cheerfully when he noticed her in the room.

"Good morning to you also Lewis," responded Seras happily.

Louis spotted her folded clothing in Seras' arms. "Guests get first turn in the shower!" he shouted and sprung out into the hallway.

Seras was confused for a second at his outburst, but she dashed after Lewis through the hallway. "No way, there is no such rule for guests here. I just worked out hard in the weather that decided to get warm and muggy today. And, no pretty boy, who slept all day, is not going to steal my spot in the shower first!" yelled Seras after Lewis as they raced up the flights of stairs.

They ran through first floor into the servant's section. Lewis proved to be faster than Seras and made to the bathroom first. He shut and locked the door before she could force the door open. Seras pounded on the door with her free hand.

"Lewis open up the door this instant!" roared Seras. "Do you hear me in there!" her answer was the sound of running water. "You have no right to do this to me!" and she pounded some more on the door. Then she heard Lewis began to sing "Shine" by Mr. Big.

Lewis sang out loudly,(1)

_"I never really feel quite right_

_I don't know why, all I know is there's something wrong_

_Every time I look at you, you seem so alive"_

"Lewis, you are in the wrong!" and Seras banged on the bathroom door harder.

_"Tell me how do you do it, walk me through it_

_I'm following every footstep_

_Baby on your own you take a cautious step_

_Do you wanna give it up?"_

"Lewis, I want you to give up the shower!!"

_"But all I want is for you to SHINE_

_Shine down on me_

_Shine on this life that's burning out"_

"You will pay dearly for this by burning you out!" growled Seras and gave the door a kick. Lewis continued to sing his heart out.

"Are you two in a fight already? You know, you could have ask him to share the shower together, and I am sure he will agree to it," said Alucard suddenly behind Seras.

"Eeek!" screamed Seras and swatted her master in the face with her clean clothes. When she realized it was Alucard, she put her fists on her hips, "Master! Don't sneak up on people like that! I nearly jumped out of my skin," said Seras angrily as Alucard chuckled at her reaction. She ignored him and began to pick up her scattered clothing off the floor. "I swear that we need to put a collar with a bell on you," mumbled Seras.

"Excuse me, is this yours?" asked Alucard oddly.

Seras stood up from the floor and saw in shock horror that her master was holding out to her a pink satin panties. Alucard had on a puzzled look as to what the article clothing was. She began to blush into a deep red and then turned to anger. "You PERVERT!!" Seras repetitively whacked her master with her clothing.

Alucard pushed her away. "What did I do wrong police girl? I was just trying to help you!"

"You touched my panties, you PERV!!"

"Huh?"

"Men don't touch a girl's underwear!"

"You mean that pink thing was your…" Said Alucard with a raised eyebrow. "So, women of this age wear those little things as undergarments?"

"You're really a sick pervert, master," fumed Seras."

"Women do not wear layers of underskirts and bloomers anymore, humm," mused the No Life King. Alucard then slyly grinned from ear to ear. "I wonder if ma…

"What was this about a pervert out here?" interrupted Lewis with wet tangled hair.

"Finally! I can take my shower now!" jubilated Seras as she picked up the last pieces of her clothing and pushed pass Lewis into the bathroom.

"It was just about a strange notion that Seras has for her master," said Alucard and he laughed as he walked away.

"You are a strange notion indeed, mon ami (my friend)." replied Lewis as tilted his head. He took the towel he was holding and dried his black locks some more. Lewis shook his head as he walked away to find and ask Walter if he could go off to bring some belongings back with him.

XXXX

"It feels soo good to be clean once again," said Seras and sighed contently. She was walking back to her room carrying her dirty clothes in a towel. When Seras turned the corner, she saw Lewis standing with his back to her and peeking around the doorframe into their room suspiciously. "What's the matter Lewis? Don't tell my master is rifling through my panty drawer!" Seras hurried to Lewis' side and was glad that she saw no one in the room.

"Is that our food in the ice bucket?" whined Lewis.

Seras went passed him and tossed her dirty clothing in the hamper. She turned to look at the medical blood in a bucket on the table. "Yes, it is." and sighed unhappily.

Lewis grimaced, "How revolting! Ice cold processed blood. At least, animal blood has some warmth to it. This stuff makes me sick just by looking at it," and Lewis shivered. "I think, I will pass on tonight's food."

"I don't like it either," said Seras.

"Lewis, I hope you will not be a bad influence on my Seras with your bad habits of starving yourself and dribble about miserable humanity being all that you have." spoke out Alucard as slipped into the room. He sat down on a simple wooden chair and crossed his legs. His eyes where hidden by his red-orange tinted sunglasses and had on a menacing grin on his mouth.

Lewis looked away from Alucard. "No, I will not advise her wrongly to my habits. I know my place not to stand between a master and fledgling. Well, I better go off and pick up my belongings."

"You are going out?" said Seras.

"It is okay Seras. I asked Walter, and he gave his permission for me to leave the estate."

"And, you have belongings," said Seras in disbelief.

"Why yes I do. How did you think I came to England? Do you think I could turn into bats or ride a hellhound here with only one set of clothes," said Lewis and laughed as Sears nodded that she thought he had done just that. "Oh wait, that is Al's little dark trick is it not." He laughed even deeper. "Sorry Seras, but my dark tricks are very limited and you will learn how to do more tricks than I could ever of dream of. You are very fortunate. I need to get going now. I will come back in awhile." Lewis nodded to Alucard and left out the door.

Alucard quietly waited for awhile until he was sure that Lewis was off the estate while Seras sat on her bed-coffin watching her master. She had the feeling that he was going to lecture her about something.

"Seras," said Alucard with a stern look. "I command you never to follow any of Lewis' habits. I do accept him because he poses no threat to me or to Hellsing. If he did not have powerful associates to protect him from time to time, he would have perished a long time ago. Did I make my demand clear to you?" Alucard turned his head to face Seras. His red-orange sunglasses reflected Seras' sad face as his wine red eyes were visible over the top rims.

"Yes master, I understand."

"What I will teach you will make you stronger, and correct behavior to become a true vampire," added Alucard.

"As you wish master."

The No Life King smiled displaying his sharp teeth and said, "Cheer up police girl. You are not in any trouble to have such a glum expression on." Alucard got up from the wooden chair. "Come, let's go see what Sir Hellsing has planed for us tonight." he waited for Seras to follow him out the door into the cold hallway.

They slowly went up the stairs to the first floor. The two were about to climb up the main stairs when Walter came out from a door and walked over to them.

"How are you this evening, Lord Alucard?" greeted the old Hellsing retainer.

"I guess fine Walter with the police girl liking to be rough with her master," replied Alucard and grinned wolfishly.

"I do not master! Walter, don't believe a word this pervert said," and she glared at her master.

Walter had on a confused expression. "Very well lady Seras." Then he tilted his head signaling that he was listing to what was being said in his ear radio. "Lewis has permission to come to the mansion." Walter returned his gaze back to his coworkers. "Well, it seems our guest, Lewis has a car. I will go direct him as to where he should park, " and he went down the steps.

"Cool! I wonder if he can give me a ride into town, so I don't have to take that scary bus on my days off. Or, we could go clubbing!" and Seras giggled. She went after Walter to see Lewis' car as Alucard trailed behind them to cure his own curiosity.

They stepped out of the front door and heard the purr of a car's engine coming nearer. Then a dark green BMW convertible drove up into the main driveway and stopped in front of three.(2) Lewis slipped out and over the driver's side. He leaned against his car and winked an emerald eye at his audience. He had changed his clothing as he was wearing a dark blue, loose cotton shirt.

"Ooo, fancy! Someone pinch me, so I know this is not a dream I am having!" exclaimed Seras as she put her hands to the sides of her face in joy.

Alucard looked at Seras with a raised eyebrow and said, "It is just a car. It cannot go as fast as I can."

"Lewis, I could kiss you for delivering me from public buses!" squealed Seras as her master rolled his eyes and Lewis smiled

"The parking garage is behind the barracks and there should be a space in the back. The front is devoted to the tanks and jeeps," said Walter.

Lewis turned his head in the direction of the barracks. "Okay, It will take only a moment to park. See you later," said Lewis as he slid back into his car.

"Sir Hellsing just told me she wants to meet us in her office," informed Walter.

"Tell Madame Hellsing, I will be there shortly." Lewis waved and drove off.

"I can't wait for my night off!" said Seras happily as she followed the other two inside and up the stairs.

"Police girl, why do you still have this human fascination of going to clubs? You are above that now." said Alucard over his shoulder.

"Master, I'm still a girl who wants to dress up and go out once in a while. I don't like wearing my uniform twenty-four hours a day and hanging around those dark sub-chambers all the time. You may think you are bound to this old place, but I'm not."

"Lord Alucard, it is good for someone to have a change of scenery from time to time, or they will grow stagnate." added Walter.

"Alright, alright," said the No Life King and sighed in defeat. "Walter, no wonder you are in such a good mood when you have to go out and buy Integral's cigars."

They arrived into Sir Hellsing's office quietly. She nodded a greeting to them as they came up to her. Integral was standing over her desk with reports and maps spread out to read.

"I have been going over recent reports from our undercover informants. It seems Birmingham has some cases that are freak related and Yorkshire has some strange sightings of a monster. I will send in some troops to investigate…" Integral paused and looked up. She noticed someone was missing. "Where is Lewis?"

"He went to park his car, Sir Hellsing," supplied Walter.

"It should not have taken him this long to park." said Integral.

"Maybe he got lost along the way," said Seras and she nervously laughed.

"Victoria, please go find Lewis and bring him here," ordered Sir Hellsing.

"Yes Ma'am." Seras hurried out the door.

"I think, I will assist the police girl, said Alucard and he grinned toothily. The vampire in red faded into the shadows before Integral could stop him.

"I wish I could put a collar on him and tie him to my desk to stop him from wandering off like that," grumbled Integral.

"Ooh, you are kinky my master," sent Alucard into Sir Hellsing's mind and he chuckled with glee.

Integral angrily lit one of her thin cigars and slumped into her chair as Walter wondered what had put her in a bad mood all of a sudden.

Seras quickly ran out the front doors and almost crashed into her master. She stepped aside in time and headed in the direction of the parking garage. Her master just followed her with his long stride gate. All of a sudden, they heard a gun being fired from the barracks and high screech rang out into the night. More gunfire went off and more screeching followed. The disturbance came closer to Alucard and Seras.

XXXX

The racket reached up to the third floor of the mansion. It alerted the two occupants in the office.

"What in blue blazes is happening now!" cried out Integral as she jumped out her chair and almost dropped her cigar that she was holding.

"It seems we will have another exciting night again, Sir Hellsing. If my hearing is not mistaken, I think that it is gun I gave Captain Pip being fired," informed Walter

"Exciting night, my gray hairs, it is!" huffed Integral. "We better go down and see what damages were caused. I foresee going over our budget again." Sir Hellsing strode out of the office with Walter right behind her.

XXXX

"AL! ALUCARD!! HELP MEEEE!!!" screeched Lewis as he came running into view of Alucard and Seras. He lurched in front of a tree as a wooden stake thumped into the side of the tree where he once was. "EEEK!" screamed Lewis as he fearfully stared with huge emerald eyes at the stake inches away from his face. "Alucard, Help MEEE!" Lewis dashed over to Alucard,

Captain Pip, who had his long braid of blonde hair looped around his neck, was chasing him after. Pip was carrying a stake crossbow in one hand and a Walther P100 gun in the other. Two other soldiers were right behind him.

"Bloody vampire monster! Hold still so I can stake you to freaking ashes!" yelled Pip and tried to shoot Lewis with silver bullets.

"Alucard save me!" and Lewis grabbed onto the No Life King tightly. He looked back and saw Pip and his two friends come to a sliding halt. Lewis slipped behind Alucard squeezing tighter around his friend and buried his face between Alucard's shoulder blades.

"Agent monster, I advise you to step away from that vampire," commanded Pip as he aimed his gun and crossbow at the two vampires. "I caught this green eyed monster scum sniffing around our building."

Alucard tried to get out of Lewis' embrace and discovered that other vampire had a grip of steel on him. "Pip put away your popgun and kiddy bow."

"You idiot! Don't you call my master a monster!" bursted out Seras as she took a swing at Pip with her fist, which he dodged out of the way. "And, that vampire you tried to kill is our new field agent!"

"Alucard, you can have my body anyway you want in bed. Just keep that one eyed man from killing me," pleaded Lewis.

"Lewis let go of me! You are a vampire. Show some backbone to this human." Alucard tried to push off Lewis again without any luck. "You are disgracing us."

"Don't tell me the new field agent is a bloody Nancy!" exclaimed Pip and scowled.

"Hey! I am BI!" yelled back Lewis over Alucard's shoulder.

"What's the difference! You're still a blooming fairy!" ranted Captain Pip.

"What is going on here with all this gunfire and screaming!" demanded Sir Hellsing. She moved right next to Alucard and crossed her arms. "Captain Benadotte, explain yourself."

"No one told me that we had a new freaking vampire field agent here, Sir," replied Pip.

Integral noticed Lewis was rubbing his cheek against her vampire's shoulder and glared coldly at him.

Lewis felt ill thoughts toward him and looked over at Integral. He was frightened by Sir Hellsing's displeased stare. He sheepishly smiled and let go of Alucard as he backed away from her vampire.

"Oh dear, Sir Hellsing. It looks like we need to inform the troops about our guest," declared Walter.

"Sir, I heard gunfire! Are we being invaded!" Commander Fargason came jogging up to his superior.

"No Farguson. It was just a misunderstanding. Please gather up the off duty troops for a meeting," ordered Integral and she sighed.

"Man, I need a cold beer," said Pip. "I am going back to my bunk. I will see you later monster girl." Pip turned around and strolled back to barracks.

"Don't call me monster either, you idiot!" yelled Seras.

"Yes ma'am! Private Nick and Michael (Mika-chan, tee hee)! Stop gawking at our night agents and return to your guarding posts, on the double!!" commanded Farguson.

"Yes sir!" said Nick and Michael in unison and they marched back to the barracks, and Farguson followed them.

"Come along Lewis. Your stay here has to be semi public now since you lack the finesse to keep your presence hidden from others," said Integral as she lead the way in the same direction.

XXXX

In a crowded little room, filled men and women. Commander Fargason stood in front of them.

"Troops, I would like to introduce you to our new night agent," informed Farguson. "Please introduce yourself sir." The commander motioned to Lewis to come up to the front.

"Hello, my name Lewis. I am pleased to meet you," and he smiled nervously at the crowd.

"Hi, Lewis! Welcome to the Hellsing Organization!" greeted back most of the troops.

"Dear Lord, Queen, and Country! This sounds like some kind of Vampire Anonymous meeting," stated Integral and she groaned as she covered eyes with a hand.

Alucard fell over onto a metal chair in a fit of laughter. "Hahaha, maasterr are we going to have… Haha… a VA meeting every month? HAHAHA…!

"Alucard, I order you to stop laughing!"

"Sorry, my maasterr. Even you cannot control the nature of laughter." Alucard laughed more hysterically, and Integral fumed.

Seras hid her smile under her hand and tried not laughing at the scene before her while Pip just took a swig of his beer and a drag of his cigarette.

TBC…Review and I will write more X3

XXXX

Author's Notes:

1. I just love this ending song.

2. Okay, I was thinking of 007 movies XP Oh, What about Charlie's Angels! Or in this case, Integral's Fallen Angels XD

Pip: I am in this fic now, gee thanks o.o---x

KS: Well, I made another chap. I have no clue as to were this is going, but to add in Anderson X) into this fly by my wits fic. Before I go, I need to get rid of the cigars and cigarettes. They are very bad bad bad…(runs off with Pip's and Integral's supply)

Pip & Integral: You freak! Give back the cigs!! (Chases after KS)

Alucard: I can't stand the smoke either. The stink bothers my kin sense of smell.

KS: May God and Her Majesty be with you. Amen!

Anderson: Did da pagan lass just say she'll write me in this loony fic? O.O (Recites _the Lord Is My Shepherd_ )

KS: Here Andy, hold these cigs for me. Bha hahahaha! (Anderson becomes the new shooting target)

**Vertigo, light in the dark places, S.M. & Moni** I am glad like my demented fic

**kata5** I was not thinking of LT

**Sprinkles ** They are just flatemates

**Tain** I can think of a few bad one's X)

**Marcelle1** Will supernatural strangeness work better? I see Integral as the gun happy lady XP

**BlazeStryker** Actually, I was thinking of Nic'um's madness.

**Victoria** I think alias names keep me from the wrath of doom XP


	4. Paladin Anderson: The Highlander

Title: Alucard's Acquaintance

Chap. 4: Paladin Anderson: The Highlander (Ha, you wish XP)

Author: Kreuz Swords

Disclaimer: Sorry for taking this long, you know the school thing has my soul. Well, this nutty fan just dragged in Anderson that I don't own into the plot and I am really penniless due to buying the manga now XD;

Anderson: God, have mercy on me. o.o

----

Walter was happily carried a silver polished tray and tea set through the hallway. It was almost three o'clock teatime for Sir Integral Hellsing. On the tray, there was also a small bundle of letters for Integral to read. When he arrived at the door, he balanced the tray on one hand and opened the door. Walter quietly closed the door and peacefully walked to the desk. He noticed that Sir Integral was corresponding to a few letters she had read from yesterday.

"Good afternoon, Sir Hellsing," announced the loyal retainer as he set down the tray on the old oak desk. Integral continued writing out a letter, and Walter pulled open the thick brocaded curtains to let in more light into the room.

"Good afternoon Walter," replied Integral when her old friend returned to make a cup of tea. Sir Hellsing removed the letter bundle from the tray, and she calmly shuffled through them. She came to a good associate's fancy scrawl and used a letter opener with a carving of a two-headed dragon handle. Integral unfolded the parchment paper and quickly read what was written to her. "Bloody hell!" exclaimed Sir Hellsing, and she crumpled up the paper and burned it with cigar lighter. She placed it into the ashtray to burn freely. Integral quickly picked up a slender cigar and lit it. She laced her fingers together and puffed in aggravation.

"Was it news of Iscariot visiting England without proper notification again?" asked Walter as he gave Integral her cup of tea.

"No, it was an associate's invitation to a charity Highland games in the evening tomorrow. If he was not one of the very few who loyally supports this organization, I could freely decline this ridiculous request."

"It has been long time since your last public outing."

"Do not remind me of the "Women's Brunch", which a freak had to show up in the middle of it," and Integral groaned.

"I must say, you showed great skill in marksmanship there, Sir Integral praised Walter.

"The charity game cannot be held at the worse time here. I do not think it would be a grand idea to leave home and trust it will be in one piece when I come back." She sighed with a cigar in her mouth. "Walter, tell Alucard and the other two down below to come a long on this outing. Also, include Captain Benadotte to enter into the games." Sir Hellsing set down her cigar to sipped her tea and returned her collection of letters.

"As you wish, Sir Hellsing." Walter bowed and left to make arrangements for tomorrow's evening outing.

XXXX

The day turned to evening quickly and sounds of a struggle broke out in a servant's section. Lewis and Seras were wrestling for the use of the shower in the hallway.

"Lewis give it up! I deserve to take a shower first due training most of the day with a stupid one eyed bloke while you sleep."

"I have the right to be clean first as a guest!"

"In your dreams, Cajun!"

"I am Creole!"

"Who cares! It's close enough!"

"Is there something the matter here, Lady Seras, Lewis?" inquired Walter as he had on a confused expression at them in close contact and clothing tossed about on the floor.

Seras and Lewis blinked owlishly at Walter's presence for a moment. They suddenly pushed apart from each other sheepishly. "No! Nothings wrong Walter!" said the two in unison. They began to pick up their scattered clothing off the floor.

"That is nice to hear then. Sir Hellsing has to attend a Highland game charity tomorrow evening and has ordered you two, Lord Alucard, and Captain Pip to accompany her and some participation in the games. Lady Seras, by any chance you know some traditional Scottish dance?"

"Only a few that I learned while I was in the Scotland Yard"

"Grand, I can enter you in the open dance competition. Oh, There is even a game for Sir Hellsing to enjoy." Walter wrote some names down on the entry form. "Do you need a dress?"

"No, I still have my formal kilt from being a Yardy."

"Very good then. Lewis, I have your assigned weapons ready for you now. When I come back from informing Lord Alucard's order, I will give them to you." Walter calmly walked passed them in the direction of the underground level.

"Ha, you snooze, you lose Lewis!" and Seras zipped into the bathroom behind the dark haired vampire and locked the door.

"Hey! Cheire why not you share the shower with me," pleaded Lewis.

"NO!" yelled Seras and Lewis groaned.

Lewis waited out in the hallway as Seras quickly washed up. She stepped out into the hallway just as Walter returned. The two followed Walter as he passed by them. Walter led the way to his office. On one of the tables in the room, two light brown, different sized cases were set on top. Just as the loyal retainer started to unlatch the smaller case, Alucard soundlessly stepped through the stone wall, and he ginned broadly when the others looked over to him.

"You could not resist seeing the new toys, eh master," teased Seras.

"You read my mind police girl," and Alucard chuckled a bit.

Walter opened up the case and a shinny new gun was revealed. He began his sales pitch, "This is very similar to Lord Alucard's Jackal, but as you can see it is a little larger and the target range is longer than the Jackal. It does uses quicksilver bullets. I call this gun Atreides." Walter handed over the gun to a clueless Lewis. "It goes into a thigh halter." He pulled up the long, slim case and opened it. The weapon case contained a long sword with a slight curve. "Here is something more to your fancy. This sword is like a Japanese sword, but it is a bit broader and little longer for more stability. The sword is made out of titanium stainless steel with an experimental strong metal, and coated with silver. It can cut through silk like water. The sheath straps to your back. I call this sword Elizabeth." Walter sheathed the sword and held it out, which Lewis took it. "Alucard will show you how to use this gun, and I will check on your sword skills later.

"Merci (Thank you) Monsieur Walter. Why do I still feel like I joined the NRA," complained Lewis to Seras.

"You are now part of the team Lewis," said Seras and hugged the reluctant vampire. "At least Walter didn't name the sword Excalibur."

"Oh Walter, I did not know that you crafted swords too," admired Alucard.

"Actually Lord Alucard, I had created this sword years back out of curiosity. It seemed fitting for Lewis as he lacked modern weapon skills."

"Come Lewis, let me teach you how to shoot at the target practice room."

"Can you teach me after I take a shower, s'il vous plaît (please)?" whined Lewis.

Alucard sighed and replied, "Yesss…"

Lewis quickly set down his weapons on the table and hurried out of Walter's office.

XXXX

The sun was disappearing brightly over the westward horizon and it marked that evening had came once again at the Hellsing estate. Seras and Lewis waited in the entrance hall for Alucard to grace them with his presence. Lewis was wearing his black jeans with a green shirt, and black leather, knee length jacket. His sword was strapped to his back and the jacket hid his gun. Seras was in a kilt in the Scotland Yard colors and her small gun was at her hip.

Finally, Alucard appeared from the stairway opening to the underground chambers and strolled over to his fledgling. He grinned wolfishly at Sears in her kilt. "We better go outside. I sense Integral is coming down now," informed the No Life King.

The three moved to and out the main doors. They saw Integral's gray Royal Royce and Lewis' dark green BMW convertible parked in the driveway. A lone figure in a kilt leaned against Lewis' car. The person was none other than the eye patched, Captain Pip Benadotte, which he looked very crossed at the moment.

"Don't you dare laugh at me, monster girl," threaten Pip as he adjusted his kilt. "Walter let me borrow this kilt for the Highland games. I really hate scratchy wool." Pip straightens his kilt again.

The three used all their will power not to laugh at Pip, for they feared Integral more if they even get mussed up by chance from Pip's rage attack on them if they did fall over laughing.

They all heard the main doors open and turned to see their blonde haired leader. Sir Integral wore a dark gray suit with a tartan (plaid sash from shoulder to hip) in the Hellsing colors.

"You are even more beautiful than all the heather in the land, master," said Lewis dreamily and swooned at Integral. Alucard whacked Lewis on the head reflexively. "Oww! What was that for Al?!" and he rubbed his head.

"Do not call her master," replied Alucard.

Walter came up to Integral's motor vehicle and opened the door for her.

Sir Hellsing turned to her accompanying agents and ordered, "I want the four of you to be on your best behavior, or I will chained someone upside down to the wall if you fail." She stepped into the Royal Royce and Walter closed the door and went into the driver's seat.

Pip glared at Seras. "You get shotgun, monster girl. No way am I sitting next to the fruitcake," and he got into the left side of the motor vehicle.

Alucard was next to slip into the back seat. Lewis moved around his BMW and opened the door for Seras.

"Way, thank you Lewis. Who said chivalry had died out." Seras glared at the two in the backseat as she sat down.

Lewis closed the door for her. He walked back to the driver's seat and hopped in to his seat. The vampire started the engine and loud music blared out of the stereos. The passengers were startled with 'Losing My Religion' by REM.

The three glared at their driver and yelled in unison, "Lewis!!!" They were not in the mood to listen to that kind of depressing music.

Lewis hunched down and laughed sheepishly. "Sorry. I forgot to take out the CD." He quickly clicked the player off. Lewis followed Integral's motor vehicle when it started to drive out.

A few miles down the road, Pip got tired of the silence. "Fruitcake, how long is this ride going to take?"

"Please, call me by my name," fumed Lewis.

"Ok… Soo, how long before we get there, Lewis?"

"I do not know…"

"Hey monster girl turn on the radio, " and Pip kicked Seras' seat.

Seras snorted. "Drop dead, loser."

"Do not mess up my car!" yelled Lewis.

Pip waited a few moments later. "Yo! I said turn on the radio!" and he kicked the back of the seat again.

"Quite it, you idiot! Do I look like your servant!!"

"Stop scuffing up my seats, Pip! Do not make me stop the car and tie you up! Hissed Lewis.

"Dear lord when did we become a family unit," said Alucard as covered his face with a gloved hand and shook his head. "I have a feeling this is going to be a long trip."

"Idiot! Stop pulling me hair!!" screamed out Seras.

"Pip!!! I am warning you!" growled Lewis.

"Correction, a very, very long trip," mumbled the No Life King.

XXXX

Out in an open field on the English countryside, the two Hellsing vehicles parked near the arts and crafts tents to the Highland games. Off to the side were sporting, dancing and music events. The little group got out of the motor cars.

Alucard strode over to Integral and promptly hugged her. "Master, I am so glad we are here."

"Alucard, what are doing?" said Sir Hellsing with no emotion. She had instinctively took out her gun and aimed at his heart while keeping it hidden from sight.

"I missed you master. Can I ride with you on the trip back, please."

Integral noticed behind her vampire that Seras and Pip were in a death glare match and Lewis was trying to count to ten in French while restraining his arm from pulling out his gun. "I will think about it. Now, remove your arms from me," said Sir Hellsing coldly, and Alucard quickly lets go of Integral.

A well dressed gentleman with a cane spotted Sir Hellsing and made his way over to her. "I am very glad you came to the charity games Sir Integral Hellsing." He outstretched his hand in greeting to his associate.

Integral firmly shook his hand and put on a fake grin on. "I could not refused such a nice invitation you sent me."

"Really, I didn't take you as the type for public outings."

"Then, this is just a business trip?"

"Of a sort, if you wish. Let's take a tour of the arts and craft area."

Sir Hellsing turned her head as she followed. "Alucard and Pip come with me. Seras and Lewis stay together as you look around. Later, enter the competitions that you are assigned to.

"Yes ma'am! Come Lewis, let me show you some of the Highland games," said Seras, and she took her friend's hand. She led the ways to the events' area.

Integral rejoined the finely dressed informant as he led the way the craft tents' area. Walter was as usual was by her side in an instant. The tall figure of Alucard trailed behind them. Captain Pip followed at long distance. Sir Hellsing and her informative friend quietly talked with each as they strolled along and pretended to be viewing the wares of the tents. Large fire torches provided most of the lighting and some electric lights to fight back the night for the charity event. After awhile, the gentleman nodded to Integral and took his leave to make a few important phone calls. Sir Hellsing started to look through an assortment of kilts as she waited.

Alucard came up close to his human master. "Pray tell me why I had to come along on this little outing to the English countryside. There are no freaks here to hunt," inquired the vampire in a long red coat.

Integral ignored him and pulled out a kilt from a pile. She held out the kilt to Alucard's waist and admired the fit with a raised eyebrow.

"You would not dare think about it master."

"I was very tempted to enter you into the sheepdog trial event, but decided not to" said Sir Hellsing with no emotion.

"Make sure the colors are red and black." Alucard ceased all inquires as to the reason for him to come to this silly human game.

Integral returned the kilt to the pile and searched around some more. Then from the corner of her eye she saw a tall, familiar figure with a large shinny cross around his neck holding two children's hands. "God's thumbs! I do not believe this ill luck." There before her was Anderson, who was their worse enemy, in full Anderson clan dress attire of light blue and black with red, yellow and white plaiding colors.

Just then, Anderson noticed Sir Hellsing and lackeys. "By all that is holy! May Angels protect me!" growled Anderson as he stopped near them.

Alucard's mouth changed into a large grin and said, "My you look dashing in that posh skirt and purse, Judas Priest," and he grinned even wider.

"It's ah kilt and sporran (money pouch), you ignorant Protestant blood sucking heathen beasty!" The priest remembered his charges as the two boys gapped at their mentor. "I mean, God bless you my children and Jesus loves you," said Anderson forcefully and grinned.

"What are you doing here?" questioned Integral with a vexed expression as Alucard used all his will power not to fall over laughing to make the situation worse.

"I'm raising money for my orphanage and have entered inta the Sword Dance and sword fighting competitions."

Sir Hellsing frowned even more since she could not toss him out because he was here for the charity games in public officially.

"If we have nothing further ta say this evening, I must be off. Pray for your salvation." Anderson stiffly walked away.

Sir Hellsing cursed under her breath and stormed off as her vampire followed behind snickering.

"Umm Walter, did we just witness a miracle of them not fighting?" asked Pip as they trailed behind their leader.

"I am taking it as a sign that the end is near," replied Walter dryly.

XXXX

Seras leaned against a thick wooden fence as she chewed on some bubble gum and blew a bubble once in a while. She had explained to Lewis on some of the Highland games and he later parted with her when some handmade knifes that caught his fancy. Seras had strolled over to the Hammer Throw event nearby. She idly watched the men in kilts spin throw a large hammer across the field. Seras heard someone walked up next to her, and she turned her head to see who came up to her. She saw before her was the stockiest or if not the widest Scotsmen she had ever seen. The man was a bit short and had a long beard. As he drank from his large flagon of ale, some dribbled down into his beard. Seras mentally gagged at the messy dwarf-like man. She turned her gaze back to the event quickly.

"Ar' ye not da prettiest wee lass I ha' ever seen," spoke the large Scotsman and moved closer to the Hellsing agent.

Seras petitioned to the saints if dwarf-like man was not really hitting on her. She pretended to not have heard him and hoped he would go away.

"If ye want som' real action me pretty lass, come join me in drinking and I show ye som' good action," and the large Scotsman laughed and elbowed Seras as she tried not to go off screaming.

"There you are Seras! Where do we go to next?" Lewis came strolling across the grass.

"Love muffin!" exclaimed Seras as she dashed up to Lewis and wrapped arms around him. She passionately gave the surprised black haired vampire a long, deep, steamy kiss.

"Ah, I'm sorry wee lass. I see that ye ar' taken already," and the Scotsman went off to somewhere else.

Lewis was breathless when Seras stopped kissing him to look over her shoulder to see if the dwarf-like man was not nearby. Lewis discovered he had something odd in his mouth. "Um, Seras mon(my) sweet? You forgot something." Lewis pushed out with tongue between his teeth Seras' piece of gum.

Seras turned her head back to Lewis and tightly squished him with her arms. "If you tell anyone dead or alive that I kissed you. I will personally cut off your head with a claymore, said Seras through clinched teeth.

Lewis gulped loudly and his flatmate let go of him. Then he grabbed for his throat and started gagging. "Yuck … I swallowed it! I think I am going to be sick…" Lewis bent over to cough out the gum.

Seras looked at him funny. "Oh Lewis, stop whining! Gum will not poison you." She grabbed the arm of the choking vampire and dragged him off. "I better get to the dance area."

XXXX

Sir Hellsing, Alucard, and Walter stood nearby the Caber Toss event area, and they watched Captain Pip's turn. Pip lifted the very long, wooden log called the caber with all his strength using interlocked hands at the bottom end. On unsteady legs, Pip tried to run with the caber enough to toss it and make the caber flip fully. Pip was able to flip the caber, but he fell forward when he did the toss. He landed on grassy ground on his face and his kilt flipped up.

"Hehehe, I see London, I see France, I see Pip's underpants, hehehe!" giggled Seras as she and Lewis came up to Alucard just in time to see the spectacle.

Pip quickly got up and pulled down his kilt. His face turned beet red as spectators laughed heartily. "Monster girl, I vow you will pay dearly for your insult today," mumbled Pip as he glared at Seras' direction. He scurried off the field with his hands still holding down the ends of the kilt. Sad to say, he did not win the competition.

"Lady Seras, how did you do in the dance competitions?" questioned Walter.

"Oh I did fine, but I was not as fancy as the other girls' dancing. Then at the Sword Dance, you wouldn't believe who I saw there!"

"Let me guess, it was the Iscariot agent with the swords," said Walter.

"Yes, how did you know?"

"We saw him in the craft area." supplied Sir Hellsing.

"Really. The way he acted was different than the Anderson I faced. It was scary to see him soo loved by the two kids he was with."

"Enemies and allies can wear many masks to hide their true self from others, police girl," said Alucard wisely. "Do not assume what you see around you as the absolute truth."

"Well, Anderson did win the Sword Dance event," continued Seras.

"Attention all ye bonny lasses! The Rolling Pin Toss will now begin!" announced a judge for the Highland games.

"Grand, Sir Hellsing I took the liberty of entering you into this simple competition," said Walter and he smiled.

"Oh goody, nothing like tossing a rolling pin to brighten up my mood," said Integral blandly and she smoked on her cigar. Soon Sir Hellsing's turn came. With dignity she walked up to another lady and calmly took the rolling pin presented to her. She tested the pin's weight and a thought crossed her mind. She smirked, and then Integral glared over to Alucard's direction as she held the rolling pin into view.

"Why do I suddenly feel real old and married to a ball and chain…" pondered the No Life King as he saw his master holding the rolling pin.

This is my finest moment I have ever seen. Integral is holding a domestic tool. She looks soo grand, now I can die a happy old man, " praised Walter and tears came to his eyes.

Seras, Lewis, and Pip stood near Alucard speechless at the scene before them.

Sir Hellsing turned back to the long field in front of her. She scanned the crowd of people that gathered around the sidelines. Then she saw a familiar outline on very far end of the field. Integral grinned and her eyes gleamed mischievously. Sir Hellsing pulled back her arm as far as she could and heaved the pin with all her strength. The rolling pin shot out across the field. It did not land on the grass, but instead the pin sailed all the way to the other end and accurately hit Anderson in the face, which knocked him down cold. The crowd cheered as the Judges announced that Sir Hellsing was the winner of the event.

Anderson awoke and came to realize who had tried to kill him with a rolling pin. "Kids or no kids, I do not have the patients of a saint! That woman has committed an unholy sin against me!!" The Iscariot agent went postal and pulled out his extremely sharp swords. He dashed across the field toward Sir Hellsing.

Alucard was happy to see some fun finally at this silly human game and pulled out his two guns. "Your orders, my master."

"With strain him," ordered Sir Hellsing calmly.

"With pleasure, my master." Alucard blasted away the Judas Priest's swords. He saw that Anderson quickly called up his blessed paper magic as an offence attack, and Alucard had trouble counter acting the spells as the bystanders started screaming.

Then out of nowhere, a large caber flew down on the berserk priest and smacked Anderson into the ground. The caber had flattened the Catholic down bodily with arms and legs sticking out. Anderson was completely unconscious and the blessed paper floated down onto the grass.

Lewis came into view dusting off his hands and looking at his handy work. "I think, who ever he is will cause us no more problems for the rest of the night." He turned around and saw the others in some state of shock as to what he done except for Alucard with his fire tinted sunglasses hiding his eyes. "Well Madame Hellsing, you did ordered to stop him, did you not?"

"Yes, I did" Sir Hellsing pulled out another cigar and lit it. She puffed out smoke and glared at her vampire, which he gave her a feral grin. Integral took a deep breath to reset her mind. "It is getting late, so let's head back home before more bad luck comes my way." Without further ado Sir Hellsing led her little group back to their motor vehicles. She made a mental note to write a letter of apology to her associate about her untimely exit. She hated the Iscariot with all her soul.

Walter opened the car door for Integral and other three headed for Lewis' sports car. When Walter got into the driver's seat, Alucard slipped into back with Sir Hellsing. The No Life King sat on the far opposite side. Integral coldly looked at him.

"Show mercy on me master and let me stay. It is very un-peaceful with the other three," pleaded Alucard.

Sir Hellsing kept silent, but she did not order him to leave. After a while on the road, Alucard had to ask his master something without Walter over hearing.

_"Master, were you really going to discipline me the next time by beating me with a rolling pin?"_

Interal simply scowled at Alucard and growled as a response to his question.

_"Never mind..."_ Alucard snickered in his little corner as they drove back home.

TBC…Review please and I will write the next chapter. All are welcome :D

XXXX

Author's Notes and End Takes:

KS: Wow, 11 typed pages for this chapter (well 12 if you count this section)!o.o Oh dear XD;, I need to think of something for ch.5…Hummm, who will be next. Any requests for my hit list X)

Alucard: (in a black and red kilt, sporran, and stockings with flashers /bows that hold up the socks/) X( The greatest vampire lord of all time, and now I am reduced to being dressed in a school girl's skirt.

Lewis: I guess this shows us who wears the pants in this family XD;

Alucard: Lewis, not another word from you, or else!

(Judges)

Seras: (10) Great looking legs master!

KS: (10) Irish-Scott rules!

Integral: (10) Nice behind, love!

Anderson: (5.5) Ye posture is off! And, it's ah KILT! Jeez man! O.o

Pip: (5.1) You are giving me nightmares! 0.o

Walter: (5.7) I am sorry Lord Alucard. I soo hoped that Sir. Integral grew out of dressing you up like a doll -.o;

Intagral: Now, I order you to sing one of my favorite songs X)

Alucard: Please master, no!

Integral: SING! (shoots at Alucard)

Alucard: (Sings Shinny Happy People by REM. Integral sings the backup and starts an Irish line dance with holding hands)

KS: Well, on that note. Go in the name of God, and Her Majesty. Amen!

**katsa5** Are you happy with my REM selection (Yes, I do own some of their CDs) XP

**Sprinkles** Well as you have read this is as far as I go with Seras and Lewis.

**BlazeStryker** I soo wish for Lewis' POV to have another book to himself again.

**Female Heero Yuy: **My, it felt like you searched my place looking for the next chapter XD.

**Vertigo****, S.M., ****ChibiJenn****, yue no miko, ****Alexandria****Dreya****, and kawiistina: **Hopefully my humor continued to entertain you some more.


	5. No Peace For Vampires

Title: Alucard's Acquaintance

Chap. 5: No Peace For Vampires

Author: Kreuz Swords

Disclaimer: Once again I am slow updating v.v If someone missed the big bad writer warning on my bio, my grammar is for the dogs P The wacky plot is mine and the characters are not mine…

Dedication: Thanks to Mel-chan for staying with me and prodding my plot muses to see if they were still alive on this fic. (Cool, I have a beta X3)

----

The night guards switched shifts with the day guards at the front gates of the Hellsing estate. Dying rays of the setting sun bathed the mansion in a red-violet glow. As the natural lights dimmed, electric lights came to life one by one and a few inside the mansion. Inside the main office room, Sir Integral Hellsing peacefully sat at her large oak desk filled with paperwork. A slender cigar smoldered in a silver ashtray as the smoke danced about into the air. Everything else went on routinely with little noise. But, there were loud rave music emanating from a hallway in the servant section from a certain bathroom. A young green-eyed man with long black hair and a light red eyed girl with short red-blond hair stood before the bathroom mirror. The two were partially dressed and grooming themselves for a leisure night out on the town. The rave music came from a small radio on a self as the pair elbowed each other for the space in front of the mirror.

Suddenly, a shadowy form materialized halfway from the unseen depths of the bathroom mirror before the pair. A vampire without his usual floppy red hat, sprung forth with no warning, ginning wildly.

"What are you two doing on this fine night?!" questioned Alucard with a large grin and a gleam in his hauntingly red eyes over his orange-red sunglasses. His appearance before the two caught them completely unaware.

"Aahhhh….!!!!" Screamed the two younger vampires in unison. Their reaction even surprised Alucard. Their frightful echoing screams spread throughout the Hellsing mansion.

XXXX

In Sir Hellsing's office, Integral heard the Banshee wails. She reacted by pressing too hard on her pen, causing the ink to splatter, and she reached for her gun while her lips tighten around the cigar. When Integral did not hear anymore screaming and no alarms went on alert, she frowned and puffed out smoke in disgust.

"You think stone walls would be enough to keep out unwanted noises," grumbled Integral, and she pulled out a new piece of paper and pen.

XXXX

"You are a complete pervert, master!!" raged Seras as she covered herself and glared at Alucard.

"Al, you rake! (1)" yelled Lewis as he covered himself and glowered at the grinning vampire sticking out of the mirror.

"What ever is the matter? It is not like something I have not seen before," said the No Life King mockingly and he laughed displaying his fangs.

Lewis and Seras glanced at each other and thought at the same moment to declare war on Alucard. Before the unwanted vampire knew what was going to happen, Seras and Lewis launched an attack using everything in the bathroom to toss at the Tom-peeking vampire. Alucard quickly faded back into the mirror to escape the assault.

Alucard slunk through the shadowy stone wall in another hallway. He snickered to himself for a bit.

"Oh my, my, I must have hit a nerve with those two. He took off his sunglasses dotted with toothpaste. The tall vampire rubbed his cheek and discovered he had pink lipstick on his face. "Ak, female war paint!" Alucard rubbed off the lipstick with distaste.

Walter opened a door nearby and walked into the hallway. The old retainer saw Alucard's rumpled appearance and removing pink lipstick.

"Is there something wrong Lord Alucard?" inquired Walter.

"No, there is no reason to be alarmed. Police Girl and our visitor got over emotional." The tall vampire straightens himself to his full height.

"Lord Alucard, may I inform you that you have a glittery purple butterfly clip in your hair," said Walter in a calm manner.

"What?! A butterfly hair clip!!" exploded the No Life King. Alucard dug at his hair to remove the offensive item. He ripped out the purple glittered clip from his hair. The vampire wasted no time in pulverizing the butterfly clip under his boot heel like it was a nasty bug. Alucard felt through his hair again to find if there were any more clips. "Akk! What in bloody hell is this sticky trash in my hair?!" Alucard rubbed at the gooey mess in his hair and made part of his hair spike out.

"The sticky substance in your hair appears to be styling gel, sir" answered the elderly retainer calmly. "The gel will come out in warm water. If you do not need any further assistance from me, Lord Alucard, I will continue my nightly duty."

"You are free to go to your nightly haunting, Walter," said Alucard as made grotesque faces at his hair that had gel on it. "Why would humans put this sticky mess in their hair?" wondered the No Life King to himself. He scowled with displeasure.

As Walter passed by Alucard, his nose caught the sent of a flowery aroma coming from the tall vampire. "Is that perfume I smell, sir?" said the loyal retainer and turned to Alucard with a puzzled expression on his face.

"Have a good night Walter." Replied the vampire in a monotone voice.

Walter gave a slight bow and quietly walked away.

"Just peachy, I bet Walter now thinks I cross dress," grumbled the No Life King and slipped back into the shadows.

XXXX

Seras hopped down the front steps. She wore a halter-top and boot cut pants with an Union Jack theme. Lewis followed her to his car. He was dressed in a violet poet shirt and black leather pants. Both had on sunglasses to hide the unnatural color of their eyes.

As they passed the barracks, Captain Pip was standing outside having a smoke. He noticed the two undead figures.

"Well, what do we have here. A monster girl and her flowery guy friend all fancy dressed and posh tonight." Pip snickered at the pair.

"Laugh all you want idiot. We are going out clubbing tonight." Seras hugged Lewis' arm and glared at the eye patched man.

" Capitaine (Captain) Pip, please stop calling me derogatory names. My Christian name is Lewis."

"Whatever…" Pip ambled off to another spot to smoke.

"Come mon cheire, the night awaits us." The French-American vampire escorted Seras to his dark green BMW convertible in the parking garage.

Lewis drove out quietly from the Hellsing estate, and Seras enjoyed the night air as it played over her body. All her worries seemed to disappear as she took in the night sights and smells.

"So Lewis, where are we going to?"

"To a club I know of in the Soho area. Located on Charing Cross."

"Cool, fine by me. By the way luv, where are you from in America and who is your master Tatsel? Is he a human or a vampire?"

Lewis lightly smiled and replied, "I am from New Orleans. Tatsel is very much a vampire as he claims the very best in being a vampire. I think he lives to get into the strangest trouble. Those who know him well call him the Brat Prince. But, he is very dangerous if he is provoked."

"Oh, you sound like you really love him."

"In a way cheire I do, but Tatsel can be annoying and selfish. Spending some time away from him shall do me some good. I shall return to him on my own terms or when he needs me."

"Why have you turned a hand against your own kind? You don't seem to be a chap that would do such a thing by your manner."

"I lost someone very dear to me to the Paris coven of vampires and waged revenge on them for killing her." Lewis remained silent for awhile.

Seras felt he needed time to put away bad past memories. "I'm sorry if I was over prying."

"Don't feel guilty about it. I heard you were a police detective or something? I noted that Alucard kept on calling you police girl."

"Yes when I was alive. Master wants to keep on reminding me on who I was."

"I ran a plantation when I was alive, and I still make a little money on the side. There is nothing written that you can not stay as a detective, Seras. Just think it as transferring to special section. Detective skills are a bit like hunting skills to me."

"I guess soo..."and Seras sighed.

Lewis drove around in London and found a parking spot. The two continued on foot to the club that the black haired vampire knew of. They stood in a line for the club.

Seras viewed the busy streets illuminated by multicolored lights. She noted that it had been a long while since she had been out to have fun. The last time Seras had been out was when she was human and before she went into police training. Sure she hanged out with the guys, but not on an outing to crowded areas.

"Why are you frowning mon cheire? I really must say that frowns do not suit your face." Lewis almost touched Seras' arm, but he thought to better not to. His sunglasses reflected a sadden girl.

"Oh, I was thinking of my friends I use to hang out with. Now, I am alone and not really alive any more…"

"Seras, I count you as a friend. Even more so than Alucard shall ever be to me. So, do not feel lonely now that we have met."

"Thanks Lewis", and Seras brushed away a tear before it escaped.

"Ah, it is our turn to enter this club…" Lewis paid their way in and Seras followed him. The club was bust inside. There was a large bar and humans were dancing on the open floor area. Lewis spotted some barstools that were vacant, and they perched upon the them.

Seras began to feel something odd about the human crowd. Then a man dressed as a woman sashayed by her. It dawned on her that they were surrounded by gay men. Seras took a moment to find the club's name and learned they were at the Heaven, which was renowned for being a gay nightclub.

"Lewis luv, we are at a gay club", whispered the police girl into the other vampire's ear.

"Oh? What is a gay club?"

Seras became dumbfounded, but she didn't feel up to explaining what is gay culture to an old-fashioned vampire while in the club. "Do you know of another club we can go to?"

"Humm…", and Lewis placed a pale finger on his lips in thought. "There is a club called Coleherne…"

"Have you noticed anything out of the norm at this club", asked Seras to make sure it was not another gay club.

Lewis bunched up his brows, "I have seen some men dressed in tight leather clothing that I counted as odd.

"That club won't do either. Let me show you the way to another club named Ministry of Sound." Seras left the club, dragging the clueless bi vampire by the arm out the door and back to his car. She gave him directions to a bridge that crossed the Thames River.

At the dance music club, they had a smashing good time there. The two danced some new moves and talked about random subjects. Their worries disappeared to the four winds while they mingled at the club. But, all good moments must come to an end when it was time for the two vampires to go home.

Lewis drove the car back over to another bridge. Then Seras saw signs for the Victoria Embankment Garden and begged her companion to take a breather on a park bench and admire the night view. Lewis agreed and parked his car near the garden.

Seras led the way to a bench near the riverbank and plopped down, followed by Lewis in a more gentlemanly way.

"Look Lewis, the sky is beautiful tonight", and she continued to gaze up in wonder.

Lewis peered in the direction that Seras had and saw the waning moon near Cleopatra's Needle and the water glisten up to the stars above.

Their tranquil moment was shattered when they heard gunfire followed by vocal yelling. The vampires' startlement soon switched to irritation as they heard a mini war being played out nearby.

"What now?!" growled Seras.

"It never fails…"

"Every time I want to have true quiet moment to myself…"

"There is no peace even for the undead!" groaned Lewis.

Then they hear the fighting coming nearer and sat stock still as three men were chased by a woman in priest robes with guns, and a nun with a katana ran passed them.

"One time Lewis, I was in the shower and the emergency alert went off. My master nabbed me before I could cover myself with no more than a washcloth. I had to kick him many times until I got him to stop long enough to let me get dressed." grumbled the girl.

"Once, Tatsel was in one his rare loving moods and we were about to cuddle. Right then that bookworm of a Davi walks in on us, and it ruined the moment with my master. I felt like burning Davi's vampire chronicles right then and there." Complained Lewis.

The two heard more fighting and dying sounds into the night sky.

"Hey, maybe if we pretend to be moonlight lovers in a park, you think they would ignore us", Seras scooted closer to the other vampire and lay her head on his shoulder.

"Well, look what we have here…two demonic sinners", sneered Heinkel Wolfe while the vampires' eyes grew large. Ms. Wolfe in her priestly robes aimed her guns at their heads. Her nun partner got ready to pounce on the new targets by Heinkel side.

"Madame, we are all god fearing creatures and can we converse our grievances in a more civilized manner?" negotiated Lewis.

"What do you think, Yumie?"

"Let them burn in the fiery pits of hell… My pretty thirsts for their blood." and the nun grinned in the most unholy way.

"The verdict is in. My grace be with you all, Amen…"

"Whatever happen to the days where a man could just duel with swords at a set time honorably…", and Lewis sighed.

"This bloody well sucks!"

XXXX

It was now close to the night turning to dawn. A green BMW convertible parked itself into the Hellsing garage. Two disheveled figures stumbled out and slowly staggered together toward the castle mansion. Rose petals and branch bits covered the vampires. Their clothes were torn here and there as well. Lewis had more blood on him than Seras had.

"Home at last…and glad to be still in one piece…", said Seras

"I think that was the first time I got gun shot", said Lewis as he winced when he touched his bloody shoulder.

"Well, I didn't ask you to take a bullet for me."

"It would have been ungentlemanly of me. Besides, my body can take more punishment than yours can take now. I fear Al would have tanned my hide if you perished."

"The only thing I am worried about is the damaged we and the two nutters caused to the rose garden. Hopefully Sir Hellsing does not connect the news report to us."

"It was odd that we ended up playing hide and seek in the rose bushes…"

"What flower truck decided to improve your looks!", said Pip as he was out for a smoke with a large coffee mug in hand. "I really refuse to think the two of you would go off to roll around in the hay…" and Pip shivered as his imagination came up with vivid scenes.

"Bon jour Capitaine Pip…" (Good morning Captain)

"Shut up you blooming idiot!"

"Whatever you say monster girl", and Pip rolled his eye and took a swig of his coffee.

"Come mon cheire, I have to be in shadows when the sun rises."

"Or, we will have a burnt fruitcake on our hands", and Pip smirked.

"Captain Pip, I would advise you desist in your unpleasant banter toward Lewis. Do remember he is a full vampire and can kill you in a blink of an eye if he feels provoked to do so," informed Alucard as he moved sinuously up behind the eye patched captain and gave a predatorial grin. The No Life King glided over to his ilk as Pip dropped his coffee in startlement. "It appears you had a lovely night," and he laughed a little. "My my, police girl, a rose on you is very befitting." The tall vampire silently headed for his resting-place while Sears held her tongue as she followed her master and friend into mansion.

TBC… Reviews shall remind me to write more XD

XXXX

Author notes and End takes:

Rake; a dissolute, debauched man

Kreuz Swords: Finally finished chapter 5 of this fic XD; And, oh look makes it now that I can't make some of my letter faces and certain spacing. Worst yet is that I cannot use the star as story shift markers X( Anyway, I went back and fixed the oops parts on the posted chapters and yeah changed what won't show like the STAR, which books use and I have use the X… It looks like I shall wrap up this fic up in the next chapter. I am open to ideas to put into the plot and you might get more chapters out of me XD

Lewis: (Reading Forb's guide to London) Seras, did you know that one of the beheaded wives of Henry XVIII still haunts the castle holding her severed head on her hip?

Seras: Spooky o.o

Integral: (Snorts) Quite likely to get her deadbeat husband a heart attack. Serves him tho…

Alucard: (Comes out of the shadows carrying his detached head.) Lewis, does it say which hip she used?

Lewis & Seras: Ahhhhh!! OoO OoO (They grab onto Sir Hellsing for protection)

Integral: (Fumes) Bad Vampire, Bad! X(

Alucard: What?! I just asked an innocent question…

KS: I heard that the ex-wife haunted her home as well, but with her heard on. Er…Go with the grace of God and the Queen, amen!

**The 14 People that reviewed: **Thanks for being bold XD And, to the one's that wanted to draw scenes or inspiration from my fic, show me please X)

**Kat: **Tastel's appearance was planned to be in this fic some where ;)


	6. The Forbidden Zone

Title: Alucard's Acquaintance

Chapter 6: The Forbidden Zone

Author: Kreuz Swords

Disclaimer: I do not own Hellsing and made no money with my bad handwriting. The plot was made up in my wild imagination. XD Do not take the slang as personal, which I think Pip should have his mouth washed with soap -.-;

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Sir Hellsing and Walter were muttering over old reports and planned orders for dispatching in the Head Quarter's intelligence room. The evening air was a bit chilly in the castle mansion. The semi quiet solitude was soon disturbed by the fast sounds of boot heels and sight echo of laughter that got Integral's attention to glance at the open entrance and saw blurred forms flash by.

"What in blooming blazes!"

"I haven't the slightest clue why Lady Seras and Master Lewis have the habit of running in the halls when evening sets in, Sir Hellsing," and Walter sighed not looking from the papers before him. "My educated guess that it some kind of nightly game they play to race towards the water closet."

"A game hmm…? They say that idle hands lead to the devil's work. Let's have a select few have a mock hunt tonight to use this extra energy that they have lately," and Integral smirked with sarcasm. She pulled out a slender cigar and flipped open a lighter on to the end. Sir Hellsing chuckled to her self as puffs of smoke clouded about.

XXXX

Captain Pip was in full fighting gear with a paint gun ready to fire in his arms. He was silently doing a sweep of the front gardens in the moonlight. "Oh Monster Girl, where are you?! Come on out, so I can make into a messy piece of artwork for all to admire yah!"

"You blooming ass, stop calling me a monster! You don't dare call Alucard that!"

"It is all the better to hear you with my dear!" Pip darted toward the hedged where Sears' voice had came from. He jumped around the hedges' side. "Gotchya!"

A sword flashed out wickedly toward the one eyed man with long braided hair. He was barely able to duck his head out of the way in time. The sword sliced the paint gun in half. Pip tumble rolled out of the sword's reach when it slashed out again.

"You had chosen the wrong side mon capitaine," and Lewis fangishly grinned at his opponent.

Suddenly, Pip was shot many times in the back with pink paint balls. Seras ran up and slightly kicked him down. She fired more paint balls. "Ha! Take that you freakish scum! Yes! I soo won this time!" Seras did a little victory dance while Lewis wished he had more time with Captain Pip.

"No fair! A nancy vampire and a half against one human is unfair. You are lucky this time Monster Girl!" Pip was paint ball shot again on his facemask from Lewis since Sears used all her's.

"Seras, I think I know way Sir Hellsing likes shooting at things now. You can come to enjoy in silencing something that was annoying you."

"I'm going to hit the showers to wash this paint junk off me." Pip stomped off.

Lewis flopped onto the thick carpet of grass with the front gates within eyesight. He stretched and sighed. Seras sat down on the cool grass as well. She gazed up into the near twilight sky as the moon began to wane away.

"Don't you think the sky is seemingly grand again this night?"

"It does seems so cherie. But, I miss the nights in the swamps of my home. Maybe, someday you shall be able to come visit America, and I can show you the beauty of my home."

"You must be feeling homesick. It has been months since you came here."

"Oui, but only a little bit. I have been having good memories here and Sir Hellsing's assignments have kept me busy so as to not to notice the passing months. At home, there was only my master to liven things up as he found new ways to get into trouble."

"I would like to visit you home someday then. Sounds like vampires in America live with more freedom than here."

"We still keep our kind unknown from the public eye there. The elder vampires punish those who do not abide the set laws of our kind."

"I'm glad that you are enjoying your stay with me." Seras and Lewis returned to their sky watching in silence.

The sounds of boot heels and metal clinking reached the two's ears. "By the Lamb of God! I shall punish all sinners!" There stood Anderson on the other side of the fence near them. His blessed swords and glasses gleamed in the faint light.

"I have come ta avenge the defilement done unta me. I'm the servant o' the Lord and the wicked shall be sent inta the hell's fires." The tall priest continued to ramble on with religious zeal.

"Oh no, not him again!" and Seras groaned.

"Is that the same priest that I tossed a caber on?"

"Unfortunately, yes…"

Anderson chanted his fire and brimstone spiel out louder.

"I see no evil", started Seras.

"I hear no evil…"

"We speak no evil" both said in unison. They went back to relaxing in the grass and trying their best to ignore the Judas priest.

"Oy! Who is clamoring at this godforsaken hour at our bloody gates? The blooming Avon Lady that I hear so much about!" Pip came into sight with his favored gun and his long hair wrapped up in a towel. "Shit fuck! It's that crazy blade priest again. He is bad as the Mormons returning and not taking a no for an answer. He must be crackers to think he could take on all of Hellsing"

"HOW Dar' Ye, Ignor' the man o' the cloth!!!" fumed Anderson.

"Speaking about man of the cloth, I almost thought Sir. Hellsing was a man of the cloth," commented Lewis.

"What do you mean by that?" said Seras.

"Well, when I was looking for the library, I found Sir Hellsing's clothing closet. I saw many suits and clothes of hers that can be a rival to mon master Tatsel's."

"You're pulling me leg, mate! You went into her closet, and came out alive?" said Pip in disbelief.

"It is no lie."

"See! Lewis is a brave chap!"

"It was shear fool's luck!"

"I bet, no, I dare you to do the same, Pip" challenged Seras.

"Forget it, monster girl!"

"Are you scared that you might get caught?"

"I'm Not Scared!"

"Then I double dare you to go into Sir. Hellsing's closet and tell me if there is anything really girly in there! Don't bring what you call as a corset when we fully very well know that it is her bulletproof vest!"

"Fine, I'll do it!"

"Uhh…The priest with the swords has jumped the fence. Should we do something about it?" inquired Lewis.

"Of course Lewis. We should do something about the sword dancer intruding on our prized flower garden," mocked Alucard with his guns out behind the three. "Let's give him a warm welcome," and he wolfishly smiled.

Once again Sir Hellsing was rudely awakened in the wee hours by the sounds of battle at her front gates. She made sure her welcoming to Anderson was a very memorable one.

XXXX

Captain Pip skirted around a hallway corner. Lewis had given him the directions to the forbidden room of doom. The braided hair man had waited for Sir. Hellsing to leave her office for bed.

"Can't believe I am doing this. I should have just ignored that monster girl." mumbled Pip to himself. The eye patched man crept through the dark hallway. He came to the unmarked door that housed his leader's clothing. Men in the barracks believed that Integral always dressed as a man after the day she stopped her uncle's hostile takeover to be head of the family. Pip slowly reached down and turned the doorknob quietly. Hearing no alarms or odd sounds when opening the door, he slipped into the large room and closed the door. Pip let out a small sigh of relief in pulling off the dare so far.

He gazed about the spacious chamber and was amazed to see many types of clothing. The braided hair man thought that the French-American vampire was not kidding in mistakenly thinking of Integral was a man of the cloth. There were a lot of masculine suits and attire to be seen. Pip felt that he just walked in the Men's Warehouse. "Well mate, Seras dared us to find something real girly. Yeah, like a bleeding needle in a blooming haystack…" Pip started opening the drawers and then the cabinets in a quiet search. He was very careful to leave the clothing items as the way they were. Pip knew that Walter would notice even a fold or wrinkle out of place, and it would take little deduction of who was the fiend.

Finding no luck so far, the one eyed man continued his hunt into the walk in closets. When he was in the last walk in closet, Pip heard the muffled sound of footsteps and of the rattle of the chamber's doorknob. He stiffened up in startlement, but Pip recovered fast enough to sneak over to shut the closet door and hid behind one of the sliding door compartments. He prayed not to get caught as Walter puttered on into the chamber. Pip held his breath when the trusted retainer came into the closet he was hiding in.

Walter picked up what he was looking for and left. Pip let free his lungs and discovered he was strangling himself with his braided hair around his neck while he pulled at the end in apprehension.

"This must be the dumbest thing I have ever done in my life…" mumbled Pip. He came out of his hiding spot and went on to hunt for a girly item. At the very back, the blond haired man found a hidden wooden box. He grinned roguishly and then picked at the lock. Pip opened the lid and peered inside. His eye widened and his jaw dropped at the thing that could pass in a way as a girly item.

"Do you know that it is very impolite to rummage around in a lady's bureau…Even though it is filled with men's apparel," spoke the No Life King while he hanging upside down half in the ceiling.

Pip nearly jumped out of his skin and fainted in fright, but he only jumped up and hid the box behind him as he slammed into a corner for protection. His frighten eye gazed upon Alucard's long silken black hair hanging down near him. He slowly followed the hair up to Alucard's disapproving face. Pip shivered as he looked into the vampire's unhidden fiery eyes.

"Please remove your pathetic body from my master's dressing room."

"Uhh…Sure mate. I was just leaving…" Pip straightened up the area and made a beeline out the chamber door and quietly hurried through the hallways to the underground chambers.

Alucard had noticed that Captain Pip had taken the wooded box with him. His curiosity was just as bad or even worst than a cat's. The vampire slipped back into the wall.

XXXX

Seras and Lewis were waiting in their quarters for Pip to return. Lewis sat at the little table fidgeting with a lock of his hair while Seras was lying on her bed. Both stood up when Pip came into the stony room.

"I made it back alive! And behold monster girl, I did find something girly in Sir Hellsing's clothing chamber," said Captain Pip in a softer voice and looked toward the open door. He closed the door shut and took out the wooden box from within his shirt. "Well…" and Pip coughed a little, "…Umm, I think this item kind of falls into being girly or something like the sort," and he nervously laughed a bit as he opened the box to reveal to his immortal comrades to see.

"Sweet Bridget!" and Seras covered her mouth and lightly flushed at what she saw. "We are so dead with our heads shot off and our bodies burned if we are caught with this!"

"Shhh…! Not so loud, mate."

"I don't understand, what is it?" questioned Lewis. He picked up object to look at it better in his elegant, pale hand. Lewis' face expressed full puzzlement. "Is it to go around something?"

Seras and Pip started to snicker and then giggle out at the sight of the pondering vampire.

"Urr, well… it's to…uhhh…Oh, I can't say it… It is too embarrassing to say it," flustered the police girl.

"Mate, you better put it back in the box before I laugh louder. I was shocked surprised when I saw it. I would never in a million years thought that Integral would have such a thing."

"But, what is it? I am sorry for mon ignorance. I entreat you to say what is it for?"

"I can't say it either, mate. I am afraid to say it. So, mums the word, and we will keep this information to our selves. You understand."

"Oui." Lewis eyed at the object trying to figure out what is so very risque about it.

"Let me see the cursed thing that all of you are twittering and shying away from!" demanded Alucard as he floated down from the ceiling where the No Life King was ease dropping on the trio. He frightened Pip and Seras out of their wits at his sudden appearance.

Lewis handed over the object to his friend. Alucard toyed with it, and his mind was stumped as to what it was as well.

"I noticed it has your name inscribed upon it," informed Lewis next to the taller vampire.

"It does!" said Pip and Seras in union. "Mother forgive us, we are deader than dead."

"But, it is too large or should I say too small to fit me? My fledgling's mine is in total denial of it that I am not getting what it is."

Pip and Seras started choking at Alucard's words. They had a feeling it would fit him.

"Pheh! I give up to what this mortal plaything could be used for." He gave the object back to Lewis. Alucard picked up the words _"that is soo gaay"_ from Seras' thoughts. He did not see anything happy about the situation at all.

Lewis retrieved the wooden box from Pip and placed the item back in its spot. He locked it up again and returned it back to the one eyed man.

Pip quickly hid the box back under his shirt and scarf and went off to put it back where he had found it.

The No Life King slipped away into deep shadows of a corner.

"Oh, it is almost morning. Good day to you, Seras." Lewis drowsily went over and snuggled into his nest of blankets to hide from the light of day.

"Sleep well Lewis. I better get some shut eye myself after what we did yesterday and tonight as well." Seras went off to brush her teeth and returned to her bed to sleep.

_"Police girl, what was the object that my master keeps hidden anyway?"_ asked the disembodied voice of Alucard.

Seras closed her mind up tight and covered her face with pillow. _"Trust me you don't want to know. It is not important enough to fuss over either, master."_

_"But, I am dying to know what the cursed thing was anyway." _

_"One of these days, I will show and tell you with Lewis in full detail in town what it is used for. But, not right now! Go to sleep master."_

_"Why, I am not tired?"_

_"Fine, I'm going to sleep then!"_

_"Seras?"_

_"Yeah, what now?"_

_"Vampires in America are tricky to deal with. They are not all free from petty things as I am. Be careful around them and stay close to Lewis over there."_

Seras sat up in her bed. She did not know that her master overheard her small talk with Lewis the night before. _"I will my master."_

_"Sleep well Seras…"_

Alucard's fledgling went back down on her bed and dreamed of sweet nothings.

…TBC, review please XD Toss in ideas for my muse to nibble on as well. Then you get more out of me…

XXXX

Author notes & End Takes:

KS: ::Whispering first line:: I shall leave what "the item" was up to you XD (Yes, I know what it was, but I'm not telling XP If you want to take a guess, I could send a signed copy of this fic to the winner. v.v;). Well, 'tis another chapter to this fic o' mine, and look my readers o' mine get one more chapter out of this story. I thought it would end on this chapter. The outline got too long to be in all in this one, so I shall continue in the next chapter. Poor me with taking longer than I thought with this fic vv;

Anderson: Ak, th' suspense is kill'n me!

Integral: I still think Mel-chan is a Japanese spy…

KS: Now, now Sir Hellsing. 'Tis not nice to stake my beta. Anyway, go with the good wishes of God and Her Majesty. Amen!

Mel-chan: I am no spy! T-T ...isn't a beta a type of fish?

Pip: What the bloody ... ?

Mel-chan: Well anyways, thankies KS for letting me have special VIP editing privileges! XD ::huggles::

Alucard: You mean I have to endure another Shilling Shocker with this crackpot lot?!

KS: Mann, I need break from you guys …my poor other wee fics ;.;


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